by Kelsey J. Lawrence

Hello friends!

So much has happened since my March writing, I’m wondering how I can even sum it all up here.

I’ll start with the History Through Fiction Conference I attended in the precious and historic town of Beverly, Massachusetts. I met so many lovely people, all of whom inspired me in different ways. I’m still radiating the energy I generated from the sessions and authors at the conference.

There were a few people I already knew from the Historical Novel Society Conference I attended last summer whom I was able to connect with again. I also enjoyed some in-person meetings with friends I’ve made through my social media efforts. And I met a few women who share eerily similar personal, land, and ancestral connections, which felt so cosmic that I felt the need to blog about it.

We enjoyed two walking tours (a historic tour, and a Salem witch tour), and I also walked away with new ideas, clear direction, and a wealth of actionable advice from the sessions related to the craft of writing historical fiction.

But perhaps most important and most noticeable, I left the conference with a newfound confidence in what I’m doing. I’ve been more active on social media. I’m feeling brave and more creative as I outline new chapters and scenes with my developmental editor’s feedback in mind. And I feel very “seen” having learned that even bestselling authors feel imposter syndrome and discontented in their creative lives at times.

This trip came at a perfect time for me. A wise author (looking at you, Colin Mustful) told me that my anxiety over feeling “not good enough” and my fears about representing people and history incorrectly will likely never go away. What’s important is how I respond to those feelings. I’m choosing to lean in, dig into the research, finish this book, and do the very best that I can. I’ve come too far to shrink back and let fear take over now.

I always come back to this poem, and if you follow me on social media, you’ve probably already seen it, but it bears repeating—if not for you, then for me:

A Cedary Fragrance by Jane Hirshfield

Even now,
decades after,
I wash my face with cold water—
Not for discipline, nor memory,
nor the icy, awakening slap,
but to practice
choosing
to make the unwanted wanted.

Thank you for being here,

As I mentioned in my letter above, I made some very surprising connections at the HTF Conference. I wrote all about them in my latest blog.

I’ve started calling these types of occurrences “cosmic winks.” Because truly, I don’t know what else to call it when the universe seems to be tapping me on the shoulder and saying, “hold my beer, watch this!” Google says it can be called “synchronicity” or “meaningful coincidences” but those just feel too meh for me.

Do you have a name for these kinds of nudges and winks from the universe? I’d love to know!

Below are a few of those social media posts I mentioned. Since the conference, I’ve been feeling more confident sharing and being myself for the social media masses.

Specifically, the post about my swan sweater is all about regaining the confidence to put myself out there, and to stop caring about what other people think about it.

The best part is that I bought the swan sweater because 1. it’s incredibly soft, and 2. they didn’t have the one I actually wanted (with teal, green, and yellow birds on it) in my size. There’s the universe again saying, “I know exactly what you need right now…”

I’m still working through the feedback set forth by my developmental editor.

I’ve had to put some of my leisure reading aside in order to do more research and devour the nonfiction books that will help me go deeper into my 1930s timeline.

I’m becoming reacquainted with one of the historical figures who plays a larger role in my second draft, and I’m trying to better convey how a young and inexperienced school teacher might have felt coming into her own during The Great Depression.

In addition to the research, I’m outlining new chapters and scenes for both timelines and making sure they better align and connect at specific junctures.

Initially, I planned to completely rewrite my manuscript with my dev editor’s feedback in mind. But as I work through the new outline, adding things and taking them away, I no longer think that needs to be my path forward.

I’m planning to rewrite the first 25% of the story from scratch, but that’s mostly because my developmental editor suggested I start my 1930s timeline in a different place. So I’m backtracking a bit on Lenora’s (my 1930s protagonist) life to give the reader a stronger sense of who she is and what drives her.

It would’ve made sense for me to rewrite those first chapters anyway. I can tell that my fiction writing has improved a lot since I started the book 1½ years ago. That learning and my own creative style needs to be better reflected in the beginning of the book.

But the rest? It’s actually pretty good, if I do say so myself!

My goal is to have this round of revisions done by Labor Day weekend. And if I stop all my procrastinating, which I’ve become very adept, maybe I’ll finish even sooner.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know how I roll… sharing my goals and deadlines with others makes me much more likely to follow through. So, the goal is Sept. 3 if we’re being specific about it.

SMART goals, amirite?

We had family in town for Easter, so we enjoyed being tourists around Memphis for the long weekend. It was the perfect way to bask in the beautiful spring weather before locking into this round of revisions.

Parks (my toddler son, in case you’re new here) is in preschool on Mon/Wed/Fri, so those are the days that I’m able to get the most done in terms of my manuscript.

On Tues/Thurs, I’m busy shuttling him to play dates, ninja class, swimming lessons, and “hockey” practice. I put that in quotations because it’s actually just a learn-to-skate program because they won’t let him skate with a hockey stick until he’s a bit more skilled (he’s only 3 after all). Makes sense to me, but Parks wants more than anything to play hockey, so “hockey” it is… whatever helps us avoid a tantrum. 🙃

Pretty soon, the Memphis summer will set in, and I’ll sequester myself in the house… and when the heat and humidity become too much to bear, we’ll make our way to Montana to cool down.

I’ll be reviewing the books I really enjoy on my social media channels, so head on over there if you’d like to hear more about the books I highly recommend!